Away Message Hilarity
Since I recently wiped my hard drive clean, I have unfortunately lost a treasure trove of Instant Messenger away messages which I had been creating and collecting for quite a while. Some of them were inspired by particular situations. Some were thought up simply at the moment I was leaving the computer to do something more productive. They were really great. And you'll see none of them. Because they're gone.
But eventually I reinstalled AIM and needed some catchy new away messages which I could use to entertain my friends while I was ignoring them and pretending to be away. So, here are the first few.
"Away messages are the new black. No, the new black. That's the old black. Yes, newer than that one. And that one, too. Do you even know what black is?"
"All my classic away messages are gone, so I need to get you some new ones.
...
Not right now. I'm away, thinking of them."
"I once killed a man with my bear hands. No, you read correctly. Three years ago I had the severed paws of a grizzly bear surgically grafted onto my own arms. I have grizzly bear hands."
"Some people think that just because I killed a man with my bare hands, it suddenly makes me a "killer" (air quotes). This away message has no need for your pussy, liberal, politically correct voodoo. Go find a tree to hug, Person-who-enjoys-the-sweet-embrace-of-trees."
"If away messages were people, then this single away message would count as a single person. See how that works? Then, also, I would eat this away message. As I am a cannibal."
"How many away messages does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, away messages can't screw in light bulbs. Otherwise this one would be screwing in the light bulb in my room and not declaring my absence from the computer, while I change and screw in the light bulb myself. Use your head."
Feel free to comment with your own great away messages. Of course, "great" is a subjective term and I wouldn't expect them to be as "great" as mine. If you can make them as "great," then I think that you are just "great." Of course, I'll want to punch you right in the "great," then beat the living "great" out of you. It'll be great. Objectively great.
posted by Andy @ 11:00 PM
17 comments
17 Comments:
What do you want ? I'm away minding my own business, and you're sending me messages. I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing !
I don't bother on IM, but I do have fun with work email. The Merry Christmas in April usually catches people off guard ...
Vacation Alert: I will be away on vacation from X to X. In my absence please feel free to contact the following people:
For Sales or Team Inquires:
For Technical Issues:
For that time in the day when you really need to yell at someone:
Merry Christmas
Michael
I use YIM because, well, it's better than AIM. And up until the recent update you had limited space to work with. So mine are always short and sweet.
"Spork."
"Cheesus is lord."
"Beer, the other white meat."
"Moo if you love cheese."
"Busy smurfing."
I like them, even if you don't. :)
I generally just log off if there's bo one there I really want to talk to. And if I do throw my away message on, it's usually with quotes from friends or movies. I'm just not as witty as you when it comes to away messages.
How about....
"Poopin'"
?
I have some but don't judge me...
--------------
I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win.
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I am busy talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mumify me. Have you noticed that the world's getting weirder?
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I'm not sure where I picked up these little phrases but apparently I thought they were worth making into away messages.
you've inspired me to actually create one..
I hardly ever messenger, and when I do I'm on MSN because most of my friends are on there. However, I shall take a whack at these messages.
"I'm off trying to win the nobel prize for cognitive science, predict exactly when and where hurricanes will happen, save the blue-tongued tropical lizard from extinction and wax my legs. And YOU spend your free time reading dumb away messages? Bah, off with you, lowly cretin. And go do some recycling."
I sometimes leave something like "F--A--S--T" or "FA||ST" when I am at breakfast.
"The [my name] has escaped from her room and is currently at large in the [city]/[county] area. For more information, please call her cell phone."
mine's always the same:
i'm screening you.
I don't do away messages as I don't have AIM, but if i did mines would be:
"I'm away. Seriously. If you try to talk to me I will NOT reply. Even if I am only pretending because you actually really irritate me....hahah got ya."
It lulls the messager into a false sense of security because I probably will be still sitting at the desk with the away message on!
out of my mind - back in ten minutes.
I'm away getting:
a) snacks
b) gossip about my a)boss, b) friend, c) person who thinks they're my friend but really isn't obviously cuz I'm gossiping about them.
c) toiletries.. need anything?
d) some. You know what 'some' is.. don't you? Use your imagination.
e) All of the above.
That's the best I can do. It's not Friday yet.
From my dismal list of 4 away messages, my favorite is:
Biting my nails.
Yes, it is true. I am not very funny.
So, I do not really consider it may have effect.
Excellent information!! so I'd like to get a little bit more images in here in order to enjoy more the post.
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