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Friday, November 11, 2005

Oh, Girls

I went out with my friends tonight. I'm going out again tomorrow night to see a friend I've haven't hung out with in years, so tonight was very light. I had very little to drink (which is close to normal for me).

But I saw this girl. I didn't know her. She was cute, though. And I kept sort of glancing over in her direction. And she glanced back in my direction. But it wasn't a "who is this freak glancing in my direction" look. It was more of a "yeah, I'm here, what are you going to do about it?" look. The thing is, I didn't do anything about it. And when my friends and I left, I looked at her once more, and she was already sort of looking in my direction. As we walked out I kept saying I should go back in. But I never did. And I regret it, but I'm not beating myself up for it.

About an hour later, I got a call from a friend who stayed at that bar. He was yelling and crying, saying that it was pretty lucky I didn't come back. That girl I was eyeing turned out to be a cannibal. WHEW! Am I right?

"Like right after you left she just started taking bites out of everyone!" he said. "And her vampire friend locked the entrance and no one could get out. They went on a feasting frenzy. It's going to be pretty funny to see who wakes up a vampire and who... doesn't wake up at all. I think I'm a vampire, dude. Which reminds me--and this is a completely random question--you wash your neck up pretty good, right? I remember I was at your house once and I saw some quality loofas in your bathroom. Very nice... yeah, gimme a call tomorrow night. For sure."

...

Heh, no, I'm just kidding. He's not my friend.



I wish I could go into my girl problems, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable. Especially since this blog is potentially read by... well, let's just say, someone I still care a lot about. As far as girls go, it's been sort of a weird year. Not cannibal or vampire weird.

Sometimes I wish I could meet a cannibal or vampire girl. At least, with them, there's really no secrets. I mean, the biggest one ("Andy, I'm a vampire." or "Andy, I'm a cannibal.") has pretty much been revealed. Right? There's not a lot of mystery. No games. No guessing. No toying. Just you and cannibal girl/vampire girl.

Think about it. If they turn out to be the love of your life, you can either spend eternity with them as an immortal, or spend eternity with them in thier stomach. And, if it's not meant to be... well, that situation will work itself out, too.

13 Comments:

At 1:00 PM, Blogger GrrlScientist said...

I am one of those people who is good enough to be a really good friend to my friends' boyfriends -- good enough to go out with them when my friends cannot without causing any anxiety at all. But have I found a man of my own? Nope. None of the men I've been attracted to were vampires, but several of the men who were attracted to me were bird-eating cannibals, though.

I'll just never understand cannibals. Er, men.

GrrlScientist

 
At 3:12 PM, Blogger Katie said...

No way, those cannibals/vampiric girls are still hiding something. And though vampires may not have souls, they are extremely manipulative. I will just advise you to hold out for a non-cannibalistic mortal.

She may eventually break your heart, but at least she won't eat it.

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger Nick said...

Whatta ya know! This kind of stuff was on my mind too. The story made me laugh and feel better.

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger jazz said...

i exist to listen to relationship problems.


e-mail me whenever darling

 
At 7:52 PM, Blogger SJ said...

I see some redundant words in this post:
vampire girl...
girl problems...

Jus' kidding

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Andy said...

yo bro,

I know you love grammar.

it's weird, not wierd.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Matt said...

I wish I could give you advise, but I only date vampires who happen to enjoy cannibalism on the side. Sorry man, I'll go talk to some of my normal friends though and see what they have to say. Maybe the girl in the bar just had a "crick" in her neck and couldn't look in any direction other than your general direction. You can always take the overagressive approach and just walk up to her and ask her for a kiss. That usually works for me when my vampire girlfriend is off eating somebody.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Matt said...

I meant to give you ADVICE and not ADVISE you ... but whatever.

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Luke said...

Andy, you crack me up.

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Squeaky said...

Once a vampire girl stole my boyfriend. Her name was Elle.

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger Carrie said...

Being someone who never gets asked out, if I knew there was someone out there "thinking about it" and didn't ask me. That sure would do a lot for my self esteem LOL I dunno, can't say much since there's no way in hell I would ever ask a guy out. But trust me that it's flattering any girl to be admired, you should have talked to her!

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Bridge said...

I hear you Andy.

I hear everything due to my vampire-enhanced ears.

So...you DO keep your neck nice and clean though, right?

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger Ekama said...

somewhat similar problem here but not quite. I'm very attractive and I get stared at all the time, not because I'm weird or anything, but I think it's because I'm really ridiculously good-looking, etc. My problem, I see guys every now and then and there are always 1 or 2 guys in my life who are either waiting for me to fall in love with them or who love-hate me because I "broke" their "hearts" and all, but I never seem to attract guys that I actually like. Normally I meet a guy I'm attracted to, we flirt, we talk, sometimes they take my number... then nothing, absolutely nothing. I'm starting to think maybe I suck. There's currently a guy in one of my classes, name's Austin, I like him, I don't think he knows it but I think he likes me too cuz he keeps coming up to talk to me. Oh and today I caught him staring at me during lecture, but it's not because I'm weird or anything. Let's see how that goes.

 

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