Run, Forrest, Run...

Previously, on People Who Shout Things At You While You Run Should Be Systematically Killed Off

Honestly. I swear people are coming out of sewers to yell this at me as I'm running. Manhole covers popping up, "Run, Forrest, Run!" Poking out of bushes, "Run, Forrest, Run!" Parachuting out of planes, "Run, Forrest, Run!"

It could be the apocalypse...

I'm running, and I suddenly notice a crowd of people behind me, scurrying away from the four horseman, as well as a mile-high wall of pure blood. Their screams are stomach-turning. My body begins to shake now that I'm being faced by my own demise. People are passing me on all sides and I slow down as I begin to feel sick. I stop by a park bench where a man who was running behind me collapses to the ground. He doesn't look well.

"Are you okay?" I ask, asking if he's okay.

"This looks like the end for me," he says.

"Don't talk like that," I say. "I'll find a doctor."

"No, no," he says grabbing my arm. "I need you to do something for me."

"Of course, anything." The four horsemen are picking up people around me and dropping them from high up in the air. Splat. Splat.

"I need you to... RUN, FORREST, RUN!" he yells with a big smile on his face. He laughs and giggles uncontrollably. He composes himself somewhat and says, "I'm just kidding you. You know, I think I'll be okay if we can find that doctor."

It's then that I stomp on his head and crush his skull all over the pavement. And the streets run red with his blood. Red like the words you are reading right now.


I would be killed only minutes later by a giant wall of blood. But at least I crushed that bastard's skull. That was awesome.

It will never die, you know that, right, ladies and gentlemen? Those words will exist long after we've left this Earth. Even in the apocalypse, folks. That phrase will play a role even in the coming apocalypse. You watch.

Whereever people are running, there will be other people to say "Run, Forrest, Run." Maybe they'll be running, too. But it won't matter because once someone has said "Run, Forrest, Run!" to you, you can't return "Run, Forrest, Run!" them, even if they are running beside you. That' s just the way it is.

I don' t know. It's part of the code or something.