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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Run, Forrest, Run...

Previously, on People Who Shout Things At You While You Run Should Be Systematically Killed Off

Honestly. I swear people are coming out of sewers to yell this at me as I'm running. Manhole covers popping up, "Run, Forrest, Run!" Poking out of bushes, "Run, Forrest, Run!" Parachuting out of planes, "Run, Forrest, Run!"

It could be the apocalypse...

I'm running, and I suddenly notice a crowd of people behind me, scurrying away from the four horseman, as well as a mile-high wall of pure blood. Their screams are stomach-turning. My body begins to shake now that I'm being faced by my own demise. People are passing me on all sides and I slow down as I begin to feel sick. I stop by a park bench where a man who was running behind me collapses to the ground. He doesn't look well.

"Are you okay?" I ask, asking if he's okay.

"This looks like the end for me," he says.

"Don't talk like that," I say. "I'll find a doctor."

"No, no," he says grabbing my arm. "I need you to do something for me."

"Of course, anything." The four horsemen are picking up people around me and dropping them from high up in the air. Splat. Splat.

"I need you to... RUN, FORREST, RUN!" he yells with a big smile on his face. He laughs and giggles uncontrollably. He composes himself somewhat and says, "I'm just kidding you. You know, I think I'll be okay if we can find that doctor."

It's then that I stomp on his head and crush his skull all over the pavement. And the streets run red with his blood. Red like the words you are reading right now.

I would be killed only minutes later by a giant wall of blood. But at least I crushed that bastard's skull. That was awesome.

It will never die, you know that, right, ladies and gentlemen? Those words will exist long after we've left this Earth. Even in the apocalypse, folks. That phrase will play a role even in the coming apocalypse. You watch.

Whereever people are running, there will be other people to say "Run, Forrest, Run." Maybe they'll be running, too. But it won't matter because once someone has said "Run, Forrest, Run!" to you, you can't return "Run, Forrest, Run!" them, even if they are running beside you. That' s just the way it is.

I don' t know. It's part of the code or something.


At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I skim a lot of blogs, and so far yours is in the Top 3 of my list of favorites. I'm going to dive in and try my hand at it, so wish me luck.

It'll be in a totally different area than yours (mine is about penis enlargement) I know, it sounds strange, but it's like anything, once you learn more about it, it's pretty cool. It's mostly about penis enlargement related articles and subjects.

At 3:37 AM, Blogger Krize said...


At 6:31 AM, Blogger Lia said...

My question is - if he was running behind you, how come you noticed? And how were you able to stop by his bench when he collapsed? You shouldn't have seen him collapse. He was behind you, remember?

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Adammmmmm said...

Ha! You got spammed by a penis enlargement sight.

How about the next time someone uses a tired movie catchphrase at you....fight fire with fire. Do the same thing to them but make it extra cheesy. That way, they'll realize how lame it really is.

Example: As you run by and they scream, run around them in circles yelling, "Exteme Closeup!" then run away.

"Show me the money" is gay enough too.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger TheMann00 said...

What is the deal with the spam posts, and how do you stop it from happening? I've had a few, and I hate deleting things, but that's just rude and insane.

At 9:27 AM, Blogger American Girl said...

hysterical! your post AND your spammer.

"I know, it sounds strange, but it's like anything, once you learn more about it, it's pretty cool."

oh, i'm laughing my ass off.

At 10:52 AM, Blogger 52X Max said...

I just wonder which are the other 2 sites in that top 3,

and for themann00, I think that word verification or haloscan are great ways to prevent you from getting spam comments

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

Nacho: Good idea. I actually four of those yesterday within five minutes of posting this.

Lia: I stop at the bench. The man running behind me collapses at the bench. When he collapses, I'm there to see it, because I've already stopped. Hence, me seeing him collapse and helping him. Helping by crushing his skull.

You spammers will regret posting here soon. Mark my words.

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Syar said...

I really should watch that movie and join you in your rage.

At 9:05 PM, Blogger Caro said...

You really do have bad luck! You get spammed while running AND while blogging...I can't decide which is worse!

I'm on a cross country team, and I was at a STATEWIDE meet last weekend. I went to cheer on some of my teammates on the opposite side of the course from the finish line (so they could hear me cheering). And there's this one idiot yelling, "Run, Forrest, Run!" I'm sure he thought he was hilarious. I wanted to punch him.

At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Big Bro said...

Sorry, bro, but your jogging concerns have been trumped. The new cook at our regular haunt is named Forrest. And he grew up in the South. And people yell "Run, Forrest, Run!" at him while he is standing still. (And he has a Caucasoid-Fro bigger than yours.) You'll just have to come up with some new reasons to hate humanity. You know I'd be happy to suggest a few. ;^)

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

HAHAHAHA! Caucasoid-Fro!

At 10:22 PM, Blogger jazz said...

sometimes fiance....

sometimes i just worry about you...

make sure you start to take your cell phone with you while you're running so i'll know you're safe.

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Squeaky said...

If you move down to South, I promise no one will scream, "Run, Forrest, Run!" to you. I think we used it so excessively after the movie came out, that we got tired of it quicker than everyone else.

By the way, I'm so happy I know how to stop spam posts now. Thank you Andy's Comment Page.

At 7:41 AM, Blogger Katie said...

You could yell things at them in a dying language. My suggestion, Mongolian. If you can do it right, you can make yourself out to sound like the devil reincarnate. It's true, I've tested and proven this.

Try it sometime.


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