Four Of Five Random Thoughts

Now, I try to post about things that, ultimately, have some kind of greater meaning. Like how I may be superhuman. Or how everyone else may be robots. You know, heavy, secrets-of-the-universe type stuff. I try to avoid the ever-popular "[enter topic here] Kicks Ass" post.

...

THE FLASH KICKS ASS

This random thought is about DC superhero The Flash, and why he kicks so much ass. The Flash had a brief, but memorable, cameo in my first blog. I think now it's about time he gets his well-deserved props.

We all know I have a superhero obsession. Where did this Flash obsession start? I'm not sure. But I recently stumbled across an episode of the Cartoon Network show Justice League. Justice League is a show based on the comic of the same name, where Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash and others join forces to battle evil.

In the episode I watched, they were fighting the villain Brainiac, who had "possessed" Lex Luthor. Now the episode was good in general, but the end was where it all went down. Let me paint the picture.

I didn't paint these pictures. Or did I? I didn't. But it would have been pretty funny if I had, right? No, no, it wouldn't.

This is possibly the greatest cartoon moment I have ever witnessed. And I'm not much for hyperbole. Except when I know it’s the GREATEST HYPERBOLE OF ALL TIME. But I'm going to show it to you now, moment-by-moment.

The Justice League has been essentially neutralized by Brainiac, and all are predisposed, except for The Flash. Though weak and seemingly beaten, Flash is not one to give up. In other words, his kicking-of-ass knows no bounds.

Let's begin...


Flash, apparently beaten, as Brainiac stands over him.


Say it ain't so, Flash! You're not running away, are you?


Oh, I guess so. It's a sad day. And now evil will forever—what the f—?


What's that? Coming from the exact opposite direction of Flash's departure?


Oh, ye of little faith! It's Flash!


OUCH.


"My indestructible armor! It's not quite so indestructible! But I— Wha—?"


"Where's Flash? Probably ran off in that direction there."


"I'll simply turn around in the opposite direction and continue with my evil way—"


FLASH!


"SHIT!"


"Damn you, Flash! Where are you off to now? I hope you're not circling the globe or anything..."


Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww snap...


Oh no he didn't! (snaps fingers)


F-U-C-K-E-D


...


That's right, try and hold your ground.


Meanwhile, in CHINA...


...roads are being disintegrated and cars are flipping over because of the force of his running. Fuckin' A.


Still holding your grou—OH SHIT—nevermind!


Meanwhile, running on the surface of some body of water on the other side of the God-damned planet...


Nevermind, he's back. Screeeeeeech.


Flash. You fucking rock.


You thought that was it? You thought that my obsession with this single animated moment was over? I went and downloaded this particular episode of Justice League. I then found some video editing software to extract this one spectacular clip. After extracting this one minute of footage, the file size comes to about 6MB.

I am now offering to email this clip to anyone who wants to see it. Yes, I've given you the gist with my play-by-play analysis, but it doesn't even compare. Let's say I went to the moon, and now I'm offering to send you to the moon. This blog entry would be the equivalent of you lying on your bed, gently caressing and licking pictures of the moon. Yeah, sure, it passes the time and temporarily satisfies the urge to take a trip to the moon, but, heh, you're still not on the moon, friend.

So, leave your email address in the comments section, or email me (in profile), and I will send this clip to you; you who will now be much cooler for having acquired this clip.

That is all. May The Flash be with you.