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Monday, August 22, 2005

Four Of Five Random Thoughts

Now, I try to post about things that, ultimately, have some kind of greater meaning. Like how I may be superhuman. Or how everyone else may be robots. You know, heavy, secrets-of-the-universe type stuff. I try to avoid the ever-popular "[enter topic here] Kicks Ass" post.

...

THE FLASH KICKS ASS

This random thought is about DC superhero The Flash, and why he kicks so much ass. The Flash had a brief, but memorable, cameo in my first blog. I think now it's about time he gets his well-deserved props.

We all know I have a superhero obsession. Where did this Flash obsession start? I'm not sure. But I recently stumbled across an episode of the Cartoon Network show Justice League. Justice League is a show based on the comic of the same name, where Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash and others join forces to battle evil.

In the episode I watched, they were fighting the villain Brainiac, who had "possessed" Lex Luthor. Now the episode was good in general, but the end was where it all went down. Let me paint the picture.

I didn't paint these pictures. Or did I? I didn't. But it would have been pretty funny if I had, right? No, no, it wouldn't.

This is possibly the greatest cartoon moment I have ever witnessed. And I'm not much for hyperbole. Except when I know it’s the GREATEST HYPERBOLE OF ALL TIME. But I'm going to show it to you now, moment-by-moment.

The Justice League has been essentially neutralized by Brainiac, and all are predisposed, except for The Flash. Though weak and seemingly beaten, Flash is not one to give up. In other words, his kicking-of-ass knows no bounds.

Let's begin...

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Flash, apparently beaten, as Brainiac stands over him.

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Say it ain't so, Flash! You're not running away, are you?

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Oh, I guess so. It's a sad day. And now evil will forever—what the f—?

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What's that? Coming from the exact opposite direction of Flash's departure?

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Oh, ye of little faith! It's Flash!

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OUCH.

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"My indestructible armor! It's not quite so indestructible! But I— Wha—?"

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"Where's Flash? Probably ran off in that direction there."

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"I'll simply turn around in the opposite direction and continue with my evil way—"

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FLASH!

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"SHIT!"

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"Damn you, Flash! Where are you off to now? I hope you're not circling the globe or anything..."

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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww snap...

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Oh no he didn't! (snaps fingers)

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F-U-C-K-E-D

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...

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That's right, try and hold your ground.

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Meanwhile, in CHINA...

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...roads are being disintegrated and cars are flipping over because of the force of his running. Fuckin' A.

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Still holding your grou—OH SHIT—nevermind!

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Meanwhile, running on the surface of some body of water on the other side of the God-damned planet...

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Nevermind, he's back. Screeeeeeech.

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Flash. You fucking rock.


You thought that was it? You thought that my obsession with this single animated moment was over? I went and downloaded this particular episode of Justice League. I then found some video editing software to extract this one spectacular clip. After extracting this one minute of footage, the file size comes to about 6MB.

I am now offering to email this clip to anyone who wants to see it. Yes, I've given you the gist with my play-by-play analysis, but it doesn't even compare. Let's say I went to the moon, and now I'm offering to send you to the moon. This blog entry would be the equivalent of you lying on your bed, gently caressing and licking pictures of the moon. Yeah, sure, it passes the time and temporarily satisfies the urge to take a trip to the moon, but, heh, you're still not on the moon, friend.

So, leave your email address in the comments section, or email me (in profile), and I will send this clip to you; you who will now be much cooler for having acquired this clip.

That is all. May The Flash be with you.

22 Comments:

At 12:02 AM, Blogger Ryan said...

Coolest. Scene. Ever. 'Nuff said.

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger 52X Max said...

well, when you're right you're right, flash kicks ass.

Still, I prefer Batman, and from the JLA, next to Batman there's Question. Question's the coolest guy in that league.

 
At 4:37 AM, Blogger R3dcurlz said...

i LOVE flash! one of my faves. i always wondered why people weren't more into crazy running boy there. he made our potential halloween costume list. we shall have to see.

good use of snap, too.

i'll take that clip! r3dcurlz [at] gmail.com

and you have a great day!

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger PureViLmay said...

the flash...hahaaa
yea, hez pretty cool,
but i prefer superhero-INS...

c'mon, give some credits to the ladies out there fighting crime!

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger Brendan said...

i will also take that clip.

brendan_berg[at]yahoo.ca

Personally, I've always been a Superman/Green Lantern fan for DC Superheroes.

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger spinsterwitch said...

Indeed, Flash is awesome!

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger jazz said...

"gently caressing and licking pictures of the moon."

you're nuts.

in a totally good way though, i promise.

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I'll also take that clip: Kayme37@yahoo.com

Great post, the play by play was incredible.

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger mediumlatte said...

you, sir, have too much free time.

 
At 10:16 PM, Blogger JamesDangerShapiro said...

You misspelled the word "gist." You spelled it "jist." I glower at greivous error

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger JamesDangerShapiro said...

*(grievous errors).

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

Thanks. I think.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger Syar said...

I love Flash the best out of all the other heroes in Justice League. Maybe its that whole bad-boy, rogue appeal. *swoon*

on a less girly note, that play-by-play with commentary bloody rocks. I could swith on cartoon network right now and catch the show, but that p-b-p...wow.

james marsters a.k.a spike from buffy is playing brainiac in smallville. *swoon* I say that for no one's benefit except my own.

 
At 8:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can anyone help with immigration qu...
I need help with something, and the US immigration website isnt very clear on this! I am expecting a baby in December, and my sister would like to come and help me for a year.
-Mary likes Cat Furniture
She buys Cat Tree at The Refined Feline

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Flash said...

Aaaw, you guys!

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Gloria Glo said...

and mine Syar....you distracted me from lovin' Andy's work by mentioning my beloved Spike. *Sigh*

But good work, Andy....for something I don't really remember....

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger 52X Max said...

I just catched that episode in Cartoon Network, and the ending is just awesome... the flash kicks ass, but so does batman

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger ~lannalee~ said...

Flash is locked in the trunk of my car!

http://www.balloonmaine.com/tjam/photos/photo_23.html

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Gordon said...

Please send me a copy of the clip, so I may bask in the coolness of flash. My e-mail is

blogthispal (at) gmail (dot) com

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger veronica said...

I LOVE the flash, and I'm not even that looser-ish!

moonwanderer at gmail dot com

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger CAR said...

Please send me the link at dushyantw@gmail.com

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Shan said...

And may the flash be with you, too!

:P

shan@fantasticfamily.net

 

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