Image Hosted by

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Five Of Five Random Thoughts

I Am Mikey From Swingers

Have you ever seen the film Swingers? I like that movie for a couple of reasons. First, it's very funny. The talking answering machine in the beginning always gets me. Two, I feel better about myself after watching Mikey, played by Jon Favreau, look like a complete ass in front of girls over and over and over again.

I am Mikey.

There are a few moments which really highlight this. I mean, besides basically every awkward moment he gets himself into. I'm not going to go to deep into detail, because if you've seen Swingers once, you've probably seen it a dozen times. And you probably remember most of the dialogue. Also, I feel a bit naked talking about this stuff, since people I know read this. Also because I really am naked right now.

MIKEY: "You know, I just always want to be a gentleman."

That's me. I'm just always like that. Maybe some girls like being treated like they don't matter, or they like to "work for a guy," whatever the Hell that means. Those girls probably wouldn't like me. This is the logic. I'm nice. I like a girl. Ipso facto, I'm nice to that girl. It's simple, but I like simple. I don't ignore her. I don't belittle her. That would be retarded. And guys who do that are retarded.

When I see the following scene, part of me wants to become this kind of guy. Part of me wants to get the bunny. On the other hand, I realize that you can be a gentleman and still convey this sort of confidence, but in a less... aggressive, assholish way...

These are Mikey's friends, Trent and Sue, trying to build his confidence up.

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With this you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.

Sometimes I want to be the bear. And I think I am, but I'm the bear who is also a gentleman. Or a gentlebear? Or Gentle Ben the bear? Whatever. Gentlebear will do.

The point is, I've accepted the fact that I'm a nice guy. But I'm nice-guy-Mikey at the end of the movie, after he's met Lorraine, Heather Graham's character. He's still the nice guy, but he's a confident, gentlebear, too. I can't be an asshole. I just can't. I'm the nice, confident, gentlebear.

I am Mikey.


At 7:07 AM, Blogger Lia said...

gentlemen are still better than gentlebears. nice, confident, yes. but claws and fangs? what kind of a girl wants claws and fangs? do you really want that kind of a girl?

At 4:30 PM, Blogger El Tiburon said...

Love that movie to tears but for a couple of years in the late nineties, anyone that told me I was "money baby" promptly received a punch in the neck.

i'm just sayin.

At 7:03 PM, Blogger Syar said...

lol lia.

never watched that movie, must look out for it. Its on the list.

being mikey might be a good thing right? I mean, I'd pick a gentleman over a hottie-who's-an-asshole any day. Its good that you don't have to be all standoffish and jerky when you like a girl. That's stupid. the bear analogy, not getting it, but funny dialogue.

At 8:08 PM, Blogger jazz said...

i am miranda from sex in the city.

some day i'll have an unwanted pregnancy and marry a bartender.


At 3:45 PM, Anonymous L 12 said...

I think Gentlebears are definitely underappreciated. They're like the peacocks who got screwed on the pretty feathers so the female peacocks have trouble noticing them.

At 10:09 PM, Blogger geekdarling said...

Do you REALLY have trouble getting girls or, do you have trouble getting CERTAIN kinds of girls? Personally, I think most girls want a sense of humor above all. And big hands. Do you have big hands?

At 12:27 AM, Blogger Former Intern Andy said...

Actually, I have freakishly big hands. Once, at a family party, my cousin went around the room boasting about his freakishly big hands -- everyone was impressed -- and then he sized them up with mine, and babies cried.

I have very big hands.

At 10:09 PM, Blogger lovelygreensweater said...

too damn cute...your just a sexy beast with freakishly big hands who happens to be...a gentle bear??

hot :)

At 3:57 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

I have the tiniest hands of anyone I know!! And yes, I would say women look for a sense of humour but also the gentleman... =D

At 3:34 PM, Blogger Kirsten J said...

"or they like to 'work for a guy,' whatever the Hell that means"

I love that you capitalized "Hell."

At 5:29 PM, Blogger Ekama said...

Gentlemen are awesome, big hands are great, but nice guys are just plain creepy. My friend "P" was nice, until he called me 27 times in 17 minutes for no apparent reason and got offended when I thought he had stalker tendencies. My other friend R is extra nice, he never interrupts me on the phone because he's extra polite, problem is I NEVER stop talking. We never have conversations. I find this slightly boring. My friend M is nice, he wrote me poems all the time, but I only knew him for 2 weeks. When I told him I didn't think we were compatible, he cried... outloud. My other friend "C" is also real nice, his girlfriend thinks so too. He since became her errand-boy, and mine too occasionally. Last one, my best friend A was one of the nicest guys I knew, each time I hugged him he was convinced I was in love with him. Then one day he said I was his soul mate and I thought it was funny. Then he burned all my pictures and stopped speaking to me. That was 2 years ago, now he's being all "nice" to me all of a sudden. Freak. I used to be a nice girl, but like your blog I lost my soul one day... I think it was right around the time I lost my Virginia. So yeah, lose the niceness, girls find it creepy. But keep the soul, you'll need it for your gentleman-hood.
PS: older women get to a point (usually around the time they realize they're losing eggs) where they realize that a nice guy is better than the hot, normal guy who doesn't pay them any attention, and is definitely better than no guy... so yeah, older chicks dig nice guys. Maybe you should pull an Ashton... or maybe u could make a resolution, it's still January. Wow, long post... putting off studying, probably because it sucks.

At 1:41 AM, Anonymous said...

So, I do not really think this will work.


Post a Comment

<< Home