Five Of Five Random Thoughts

I Am Mikey From Swingers

Have you ever seen the film Swingers? I like that movie for a couple of reasons. First, it's very funny. The talking answering machine in the beginning always gets me. Two, I feel better about myself after watching Mikey, played by Jon Favreau, look like a complete ass in front of girls over and over and over again.

I am Mikey.

There are a few moments which really highlight this. I mean, besides basically every awkward moment he gets himself into. I'm not going to go to deep into detail, because if you've seen Swingers once, you've probably seen it a dozen times. And you probably remember most of the dialogue. Also, I feel a bit naked talking about this stuff, since people I know read this. Also because I really am naked right now.

MIKEY: "You know, I just always want to be a gentleman."

That's me. I'm just always like that. Maybe some girls like being treated like they don't matter, or they like to "work for a guy," whatever the Hell that means. Those girls probably wouldn't like me. This is the logic. I'm nice. I like a girl. Ipso facto, I'm nice to that girl. It's simple, but I like simple. I don't ignore her. I don't belittle her. That would be retarded. And guys who do that are retarded.

When I see the following scene, part of me wants to become this kind of guy. Part of me wants to get the bunny. On the other hand, I realize that you can be a gentleman and still convey this sort of confidence, but in a less... aggressive, assholish way...

These are Mikey's friends, Trent and Sue, trying to build his confidence up.

Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs...
Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And she's just like this little bunny, who's just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs...
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to kill the bunny." With this you don't know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You're like a big bear, man.

Sometimes I want to be the bear. And I think I am, but I'm the bear who is also a gentleman. Or a gentlebear? Or Gentle Ben the bear? Whatever. Gentlebear will do.

The point is, I've accepted the fact that I'm a nice guy. But I'm nice-guy-Mikey at the end of the movie, after he's met Lorraine, Heather Graham's character. He's still the nice guy, but he's a confident, gentlebear, too. I can't be an asshole. I just can't. I'm the nice, confident, gentlebear.

I am Mikey.