The REAL Reason Bill Bennett Wants Black Babies Aborted
Recently, former Education Secretary William Bennett made some questionable comments on his morning radio program, creatively and originally titled Morning in America. You know, it used to be called America Beforeth The Sun Reacheth Directly Overheadeth, but I think it just confused people.
He said this...
"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down."
Now, I have a scientific mind. Though his statement is rather racist, I wouldn't get completely bent out of shape if he was just hypothesizing. Freedom of speech is what it is. So, hearing that, assuming it's mere hypothesis, you would anticipate some sort of minor retraction. Which he provided.
And then stomped on.
"That would be an impossibly ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."
If he had just stopped at "to do," I would have probably let it go. But he just kept going.
It's like saying, "You know, what if the Holocaust never DID happen?" A harmless hypothesis. And then following it with, "It wouldn't be a very nice thing to say, but seriously, it never did. Let's abort black babies!"
Or saying, "What if God destroyed New Orleans because it was home to vast amounts of sin?" Again, a hypothesis which harms no one. And then following it with, "I mean, we shouldn't say that, but we know it's a predominantly Black area and God hates Black people. Let's abort black babies! Who's with me!"
See where it goes awry? Well, not so much "awry" as fucking bat-shit insane.
Like I said, I have a very scientific mind. Curious. I wondered why Bill Bennett really wanted to abort all black babies. He says because of crime rates, but everyone knows that with any type of genocide, the crime rates automatically go down. Because there's simply less people to make them go up. Heh, it's common sense.
No, it wasn't crime rates he was after.
Little known fact: Bill Bennett likey the gambling. The thing is, he's not very good. In fact, he's lost millions. Now, let's hypothesize. What if — again, just throwing it out there — former Education Secretary William Bennett wanted to abort Black babies... to better his odds at the black jack table? Stay with me here.
1. He can't abort White babies, because he was once a White baby.
2. It would just seem weird.
3. But aborting all Black babies would still mean less people.
4. Which would mean less people who aren't Bill Bennett.
5. People who aren't Bill Bennett win more than people who are Bill Bennett.
6. Increasing the gambling success rate of humans named Bill Bennett.
Let's go to the graphics...
See what Bill Bennett stands to gain? It's not much, but for a man with a pre-existing gambling problem, it's "Las Vegas, here I come!" Diabolical, Bill Bennett. "You know," says an intoxicated Bennett. "Sometimes I feel real bad about all those aborted black b— HERE COMES THE RIVER — FULL HOUSE! FUCKIN' CHRIST, YEAH!"
Well, I'm glad we can officially put that issue to rest. With a little investigative reporting, the truth will always come out.
Heh-heh, crime rates. You slay me, Bill Bennett! You slay us all! But especially those of us who are Black and eligible for abortion! You slay them particularly well, Bill Bennett!
I think this calls for a certain graphic to come out of retirement.
(Thanks to Julie for implanting the idea.)