Things That I Say

I've been thinking a lot about how I comunicate with other people on a day to day basis. Am I someone who always turns the conversation to myself? Sometimes I am. I hate when I do that. I try not to do that anymore. But back to me...

There are phrases that I use repeatedly. It's very difficult to decipher the innerworkings of one's own way of speaking, but I have this robot that I built to look and act like me, so it's important that I get the speech patterns down pretty well. You know what I'm talking about. One misplaced noun or verb or adjective and the game is up.

Robot Andy is at a party. The guests are none the wiser. "Hey, Andy, what do you think of the new Kanye West album?" asks the host.

"I think it's pretty damn good. Really delightful."

...

"Delightful, huh? Oh, geez. Guys. Andy's a fuckin' robot."

That's when they grab your scalp and tear it away revealing a jumble of circuits. Or jumble of brains, if you're unfortunate enough to have been mistaken for a robot. Maybe you use the word delightful regularly. What a sad life you lead.

I use to say the word like a lot. I had gotten rid of it a while back, but now it's back with a vengeance. So, like, when I get nervous, or am, like, telling a story, I tend to sound like this... like.

I also say I mean. And it's seeped into my writing. I mean, it sounds natural, but looks a bit clunky. I find myself saying this all the time. So, you'll know that whatever I'm saying, I really mean it, because, I mean, it's already been prefaced. And, I mean, you know I meant that last sentence because it carried I mean. You should already know that, though. I mean, what are you, retarded?

On top of that, I'm a very nice guy. Agreeable. So when I help out at work, and they thank me, I usually say "No problem." Maybe there was a problem. Maybe there wasn't. It doesn't matter, really, because there's no problem.

When people are walking passed me, and sort of getting in my way, they apologize for doing so. It's then that I say, "That's okay." But I mumble a bit when I speak, so it sounds more like "sokay."

Robot Andy II already says "sokay." He fits in so much better at parties than his predecessor did. He also says things like, "Lee-me alone," rather than the full pronunciation, "Leave me alone." And "Lee-me alone" keeps Robot Andy II from being discovered. Any conversation initiated by humans can be immediately rejected. "LEE-ME ALONE!"


I mean, like, crazy language. Crazy like the first Robot Andy.