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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Things That I Say

I've been thinking a lot about how I comunicate with other people on a day to day basis. Am I someone who always turns the conversation to myself? Sometimes I am. I hate when I do that. I try not to do that anymore. But back to me...

There are phrases that I use repeatedly. It's very difficult to decipher the innerworkings of one's own way of speaking, but I have this robot that I built to look and act like me, so it's important that I get the speech patterns down pretty well. You know what I'm talking about. One misplaced noun or verb or adjective and the game is up.

Robot Andy is at a party. The guests are none the wiser. "Hey, Andy, what do you think of the new Kanye West album?" asks the host.

"I think it's pretty damn good. Really delightful."

...

"Delightful, huh? Oh, geez. Guys. Andy's a fuckin' robot."

That's when they grab your scalp and tear it away revealing a jumble of circuits. Or jumble of brains, if you're unfortunate enough to have been mistaken for a robot. Maybe you use the word delightful regularly. What a sad life you lead.

I use to say the word like a lot. I had gotten rid of it a while back, but now it's back with a vengeance. So, like, when I get nervous, or am, like, telling a story, I tend to sound like this... like.

I also say I mean. And it's seeped into my writing. I mean, it sounds natural, but looks a bit clunky. I find myself saying this all the time. So, you'll know that whatever I'm saying, I really mean it, because, I mean, it's already been prefaced. And, I mean, you know I meant that last sentence because it carried I mean. You should already know that, though. I mean, what are you, retarded?

On top of that, I'm a very nice guy. Agreeable. So when I help out at work, and they thank me, I usually say "No problem." Maybe there was a problem. Maybe there wasn't. It doesn't matter, really, because there's no problem.

When people are walking passed me, and sort of getting in my way, they apologize for doing so. It's then that I say, "That's okay." But I mumble a bit when I speak, so it sounds more like "sokay."

Robot Andy II already says "sokay." He fits in so much better at parties than his predecessor did. He also says things like, "Lee-me alone," rather than the full pronunciation, "Leave me alone." And "Lee-me alone" keeps Robot Andy II from being discovered. Any conversation initiated by humans can be immediately rejected. "LEE-ME ALONE!"


I mean, like, crazy language. Crazy like the first Robot Andy.

16 Comments:

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

So really, it could have been Robot Andy II who wrote that entry? Look he's even got the spelling right too...

I say 'sorry' a lot. I say it when old people bump into me, then as they walk away I mutter under my breath, "Stupid arse walking into me like that". Hehe.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger American Girl said...

also make sure your robot is saying "imanna" as in "Imanna go to the mall today."

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Lia said...

sorry and 'sokay are mine, too. i once got told off at a job interview for apologizing too frequently. before that, i hadn't even noticed.

 
At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Big Bro said...

I get annoyed with myself for saying "excuse me" or "pardon me" when I'm not the 'offending' person (like when someone walks around a hallway corner on the wrong side of the hallway and nearly runs into you and your delicately balanced* tray of food).

By the way, I've noticed quite a few other people who use another Andy-ism: "big, giant _____." I laugh to myself whenever I hear it, and this usually results in confused stares.

*The tray is balanced, not the food, which usually consists of fried items and lots of sugar.

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger Syar said...

I'm always saying thanks even tho I should be saying your welcome. "I did your entire assignment for you, you fucking moron. Thanks." And I say that's alright instead of that's ok in the place of a simple no. (I can't even say that, its always no thanks) "you want a beating, you lily livered ninny?...uh, no thanks."

like and come on are always part of my vocabulary. "like, come on...*continues story*" whatever happened to good ol' connectors like therefore and henceforth?

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger jazz said...

mine are: "you know?" and i preface a lot of things with, "can i tell you?"

not sure why.

and "to be fair" is really making a comeback this season in my wardrobe....

 
At 4:27 AM, Blogger Bridge said...

'Sup? 'snot like i's tha' bad or 'owt. Iono. Soz.*

*What ever is the matter? Surely the situation is not as awful as it seems! I don't know really. Apologies all round.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Same here Lia!

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

I'm teaching ESL now. It's strange. They love my odd little Steffisms.

The other day I taught some Saudi men how to say "Blowing smoke out of my ass."

As for the women, they wear the full burkas, so when a man enters the apartment, one woman invariably has to hide until he's left. I taught them the phrase "The coast is clear."

It's really very fun to be able to imprint language on others. Quite entertaining. WHEE.

Cunting Linguist. (For adults.)

the Last Ditch.

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger 52X Max said...

I'm a little confused. You once said we were al robots, but now you're saying you've built a robot to live among robots.

My question is, Andy, aren't you afraid of Robot Andy II forever taking your place among society?

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger mao said...

"y'know" doesn't quite translate into japanese. i mean, i wrap up a story and then i say "y'know" + my parents say "no, we don't" (imagine it all in japanese).
yep.

ps. just curious-- those of you who comment- do you guys all know andy? b/c i don't. i feel funny.

 
At 2:13 AM, Blogger Carney Man said...

I don't know Andy, but I can relate to him...he reminds me of home...

 
At 3:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was just passing by and notice your blog. Talking about using words very frequently, there's a classmate of mine who starts every sentence with, "I mean, like...". May be you should try that

 
At 12:39 PM, Anonymous 'ka said...

i really like your blog... so like when i read this post, i'm like WHOAA... you like? :D

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Adammmmmm said...

I've always found it funny that when two people are walking past each other, one will say, "What's up?" and the other will reply with "How's it goin?"

Neither one answered the question. You'll find that many of those sayings all stand for "Hello, I don't have time to talk to you but I'll acknowldege your exixtance"

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger El Tiburon said...

If i'm walking and concentrating on something else, i've been known to bump into inanimate objects and issue an apology. I'm also a victim of the automatic you too! reply. If a waiter tells me to enjoy my meal, i invariably tell them to do the same.

 

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