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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Planted Iraqi Newspaper Stories

Not sure if you've heard this. But apparently, the U.S. military has been writing articles which tout the positive aspects of the rebuilding effort in Iraq, and then paying Iraqi newspapers to run said articles. Through my sources in the goverment, I've been able to get a hold of a number of the headlines run in these Iraqi newspapers, and even an excerpt from one of the stories themselves.

Examples of Planted Iraqi Newspaper Stories
  • "Iraqi High Schoolers Vote America Most Likely To Succeed, Insurgents Least Likely"
  • "Local Man Thinks Freedom Is 'Pretty Awesome'"
  • "Most Iraqis View Insurgency As 'Lame'"
  • "'Smart Western Doctors: Propaganda Necessary For Healthy Diet"
  • "Occupiers Not So Bad Once You Get To Know Them"

Like I said, I also acquired an excerpt from one of the stories run.

A local Iraqi, when asked his thoughts on the American forces performing their God-given duty said, "I am happy that the U.S. is here. My house is not a pile of rubble, and my neighborhood is not a warzone. Our country has a bright future. Our peaceful regional history all but guarantees an Iraq composed of people of different ideologies working together in harmony, with no death at all."

The man then lept into the arms of a nearby G.I., giving him kiss after kiss. The two held hands and swung around while onlookers laughed joyously and applauded. The American flag licking the sky in the background, the crowd broke into 'America The Beautiful.' They then turned to face the terrorists who were loitering, up to no good, and smoking across the street, and began singing the Scorpions' timeless "Rock You Like A Hurricane."

I don't know. I mean, it's a little amateurish. But still, they got the terrorists right. They're always loitering. Smoking. Across some street. Punks.


At 8:41 AM, Blogger Luke said...

Damn punks. Time for an afternoon special.

At 3:21 PM, Blogger 52X Max said...

damn terrorists, thank god for the occupancy in Iraq

At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Big Bro said...

Iraq sounds like high school - can we bomb that, too?

At 5:33 PM, Blogger Caro said...

american flag in the background? sounds like fox news to me.

At 8:12 AM, Blogger Adammmmmm said...

I know, I gave one of them $20 for a bag, and he hands me some anthrax. I mean, yeah we got ripped, but that's not the point.

At 8:29 AM, Blogger Katie said...

Man, those GI's write like the kids in my local newspaper. And of course they nailed the insurgents! I mean, they keep on making hits on them every day, not the other way around!

At 1:56 PM, Anonymous american flag said...

Excuse me while I kiss this guy.
near near near...near nrear near
do do do do dah

At 9:06 PM, Blogger Squeaky said...

"Iraqi High Schoolers Vote America Most Likely To Succeed, Insurgents Least Likely"

In related news, Italy voted Most Photogenic, India voted Trendiest, and Australia voted Class Clown.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger Miss Devylish said...

Sorry.. but I think the quote from the man regarding freedom is that he actually said it was 'wicked'.. I'm pretty sure..


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