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Thursday, December 08, 2005

I Wonder If They Shovel Snow In Those Tiny, Decorative Christmas Villages

I was just outside shoveling some snow. Living in Wisconsin, you can count on doing some shoveling now and then. Snow in the winter, and if you're anything like me, human heads in the summer. Those heads just pile up if you don't do something with them!

Christmas Villages, by their very definition, exist during Christmas, when it's cold and icy and snowy. Sure, they do have Christmas in the southern hemisphere where the month of December is warm and sunny. But, let's be honest, when has the southern hemisphere ever counted for anything? Heh-heh, think back. It never has. I checked.

There is a particular type of Christmas Village called Snow Village. It has SNOW right in the name. It also has NO, and SO, and NOW, and WON, and SON, and SOW. What does this mean? I think it's pretty clear. But I won't reveal it here. Too dangerous.

Anyway, so, obviously the Christmas Villages have snow. But who shovels? And is the snow Christmas Village size, or is it real world size? That would be really painful, I imagine. Giant snowflakes. They'd be like blocks of ice (beautiful blocks of ice, carved by God) falling on the village. The tiny, decorative village. The citizens of Tiny Decorative Village are likely suffering from chronic back problems. It's probably an epidemic. This is why they live in villages. Everyone is so snowed in, you can't drive anywhere. Every establishment needs to be within walking distance.

They've got to shovel. Are there tiny village doctors, though? And where did they get their medical degrees? I've never seen a Medical School piece sold in the collections at Andrea's. The credentials of these doctors is highly suspect. My god, it could be voodoo for all the villagers know. Tiny, tiny voodoo.

What they need in the Snow Village is a Medical Malpractice Board piece. That's what they need. Within walking distance, of course. I mean, it would do them no good if they had to drive three villages over to file a complaint with the Medical Malpractice Board. Not after all that snow. They'd clear it out, and then they'd wreck their backs, and then they'd go to the doctors who would only perform some twisted voodoo magic on them. Thus leading them to the Medical Malpractice Board collectible piece, three villages over.

I'll look into it. Rest easy. Andy's on the case.


At 8:18 AM, Blogger Katie said...

No roof would be able to stand up to a block of ice, even when considering God carved it. So you might want to check the roofs, if there is a lot of damage, you have your answers. Those poor tiny people!

At 9:28 AM, Anonymous anycollegestudent said...

You should encourage Andrea's to sell working class figurines for the villages. All my mom's figurines are always BUYING stuff. But where are the homeless people and Best Buy workers and Little Match girls? Maybe in the snow town next door that gets less attention because the buildings are less pretty. I don't think it snows there.

At 12:11 PM, Anonymous Big Bro said...

If you add working class figurines, then you have to add the smoke-belching factories and sweatshops that women who buy these villages like to pretend don't exist. Also, these Proletariat figurines would see the Bourgeois shoppers gathering all the capital to themselves and exploiting the Prols labor. This fuels the desire of the Proletariat to overthrow their Bourgeois masters and institute a communist state where each gives labor according to his ability and each receives goods according to his need. No one wants to buy a Snow Village in the midst of Marxist Revolution.

At 6:24 PM, Blogger C. Nicholas Walker said...

If you used your finger to shovel it for them, you'd be their God. They would worship your, uh, largeness. Oh yeah.

At 6:51 PM, Anonymous anycollegestudent said...

big bro... my point exactly :)

At 5:06 AM, Anonymous a girl... said...

Am I the only one who had the Mr. Plow song running through my head while I read this?

I'm Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow

At 7:51 AM, Blogger Carrie said...

I see you've put much thought into all of this. Highly entertaining. And who the hell is "Mr. Plow"?

At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Sara said...

Long time reader, first time comment poster. Just wnted to say your a genious and thank you for the online entertainment, it's high qual.

At 8:36 AM, Blogger Adammmmmm said...

It's all a conspiracy! Those people are trapped inside those villages for a reason. It's kind of like what Superman did to the bad guys in Superman 2. Don't let them out!

At 6:14 PM, Blogger jazz said...

i love those villages!!


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