Is It Hot In Here, Or Is 'Here' Even What I Think It Is Considering I'm Hallucinating From This Ungodly Heat?

UPDATE: Now that I've had a chance to cool off a little and regain some sense of reality, I've added the proper temperatures and measurements. Hope this helps you... get through the day... or whatever. Anyway, carry on. With life in general.


It's rather hot here in Kenosha, Wisconsin. The temperature is about 97F (36C), but with other factors it's said to feel like 112F (44C). I wouldn't really know as my skin melted off minutes ago. Or maybe that was just more hallucination? Oh, there's a gorilla. He's asking me to watch him dance. "Watch me! Watch me! Andy, you're not watching!" he whines.

And, of course, now my DVD's are sprouting arms and legs and running wild around my room. Swingers just clotheslined Anchorman and now they're duking it out on my bed.

The Yoda doll on my desk jumps onto my shoulder and tells me it's time to take my vitamin. It's 1:00PM. That's odd, usually the Yoda doll does that at 12:00PM. Very strange. I see the heat is affecting everything.

I may have just soiled myself. Oh, no, that's just more hallucination. The lower part of my body just turned into a roaring river, running down to my floor. I figured I had just wet myself. Thank goodness. And now the water on the floor is turning all metallic and it's morphed into some kind of looking glass, a portal to another world.

So, I'm gonna go ahead and have a look. Yoda's telling me not to go, but the DVD's are cheering me on. I wonder if this world has air conditioning.

I reach for the portal, but it closes on me. The metallic liquid slides across my floor and up my wall. It forms a nice mirror on my door. It's elaborately designed, a bright and brilliant silver, jewel-encrusted. I walk up closer. Oh, there's a tag on a string here. Someone's written something on the back.

Dear Andy,
Even if you didn't watch my dancing, I still love you. Here's a gift to show how much I appreciate you.

Love,
The Dancing Gorilla

Aw, isn't that sweet? Even on these ungodly hot days, man and gorilla can come together in peace. Oh, now the DVD's are jealous. Here they come. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, stop it! What did I tell you about sitting on top of the stereo, Blade Runner.

DVD's will be DVD's, right? Yoda, help me out here.