We're "Negotiating With Terrorists," Not Negotiating With Terrorists

It was recently learned that the US government has been in talks with the Iraqi insurgency, hoping to somehow curb the violence that has inundated the news since the end of major combat was declared more than a year ago.

Rumsfeld vehemently denied that the talks amounted to negotiating with "terrorists" such as the most-wanted man in Iraq, Jordanian militant Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda's leader in Iraq.

Rumsfeld said, "You know, it's a fine line, but let the record show... the line is in fact there. I mean, the liberal media wants you to believe that we're negotiating with terrorists. But we're not 'negotiating with terrorists.' Not when I'm using these handy air quotes."

"It's one of the flaws of the liberal media," added Rumsfeld. "They don't understand the meaning behind quotes, so they take us at our word. Look at what happened on that aircraft carrier."



I became puzzled at this statement. What was Rummy talking about? Was he talking about the MISSION ACCOMPLISHED sign? That was a huge blunder by the Bush administration, preemptively declaring the end of the preemptive war in Iraq.

Or was it?

I studied the tapes and the photos. Sure enough. Rummy was right. Stupid liberal media. First look this famous shot. We've all seen it again and again. The banner says MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, which at first, in retrospect, seems like a very inappropriate thing to declare.



Now, look at this computer-enhanced shot. This is the banner close up. Closer than any one of us little guys could have gotten with the liberal media filter on our TV's.



See? MISSION "ACCOMPLISHED." It's ironic. It's not implying that major combat operations in Iraq have ended. Now that the quotes are there, it would be rather silly to assume that.

So, the Secretary of Defense is correct, guys. We're not "negotiating with terrorists." Not when his hands are up in the air gesturing quotes. We would never negotiate with terrorists. But we will "negotiate with terrorists." We'll "meet" with the "enemy" and "discuss" ways in which "we" might "end" this "war."

And that's the difference between those people who love America and those who hate America. Lovers of America use quotes and cherish freedom. Haters of America take officials at their word and take big shits on freedom. They leave no room for officials to be ironic, or sarcastic. What if policy calls for us to display an ironic banner, but we can't because the liberal media is so flawed? Then what?

That's right. People like Hitler win. Is that what you want? You want Hitler to win?


You want this?


You make me sick.

DISCLAIMER

When I wrote this on Monday night (6/27/05), the phenomenal television program known as The Daily Show had already concluded for that evening. I, unfortunately, did not see the June 27, 2005 episode. I've edited this post and added this disclaimer because, having seen the June 27, 2005 episode in rerun tonight, I noticed a slight similarity in material. Now, obviously, them copying me is out of the question -- they would just have to crap on some loose leaf and they've outdone me. So, I need to make it clear that I did not use The Daily Show to come up with this post. It takes balls for me to assume that I'm even worth the disclaimer, but it's important to me.